Quick Read Series: The little brother

Eckhart Tolle says we have two selves — the ego and the true self.

I use the metaphor of the little brother to describe the ego to some of my coaching clients.

Imagine you’re driving on the highway with your little brother buckled up in the backseat. He sees the cars whiz by and hears the crushing wind on all sides of him. He’s afraid you’re going to crash so he urges you to stop driving, kicking his legs and crying out with all his strength. He wants to keep both of you safe.

You understand that there’s nothing to fear. You console your little brother, tell him to trust you, and continue driving. He may quiet down a little, but he’s not fully settled until you’ve arrived at your destination.

The ego is often like a little brother — kind, thoughtful, but also naive.

There are a few key points here about the ego. It has your best intentions in mind. It wants to keep you comfortable and safe, and you acknowledge that. But it’s also loud and immature — it doesn’t fully understand what’s best for you. Once you’ve arrived, he realizes there’s nothing to fear, and he’s better the next time. And, most importantly, when it’s crying out, you don’t let it take the wheel.

There’s discomfort involved in getting where you want to go. The ego’s just doing what it knows, trying to shield you from that uncertainty by stopping the car. Thankfully, you have the power to choose whether or not to listen to it.

We all live with the little brother in the backseat. Next time you hear him speaking up, say, “I hear you, and I appreciate you. But I got this.” Notice how you feel afterwards.